


Good Enough

by inamamagic



Category: All For One (Web Series)
Genre: 1x17, Angst, F/F, It's seriously just angst, Portiana breakup, Rated T for language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-01
Updated: 2016-05-01
Packaged: 2018-06-05 16:30:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,795
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6712564
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inamamagic/pseuds/inamamagic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A retelling of the events of 1x17 “Good Guys” - i.e. what would’ve happened if Portia had left, feigning a headache or something, and Ariana had caught up with her later.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Good Enough

**Author's Note:**

> Parts with * are direct quotes from the episode.
> 
> (Also, I literally just started marathoning this show from the beginning about two hours ago. Totally new fan here)

The lights are off when Ariana walks in, and Portia’s lying in bed, fully dressed, shoes and all. Her eyes are closed, but she’s lying so stiffly that Ariana suspects she’s at least semi conscious.

“Hey babe,” she says, tossing her backpack onto the couch and taking the beanie off her head, welcoming the lightness that comes with freeing her hair. She tosses it on the couch as well. 

“How’s your head? You feeling better?”

Portia doesn’t respond, and Ariana goes over to check. She puts a hand over her forehead. Her temperature seems normal.

“Babe?” she whispers. 

“Go away, Ria,” says Portia. Ariana raises an eyebrow. She moves her hand away and thinks about complying, actually rising a few inches from the bed before changing her mind and sitting back down again.

“I can get you some water if you want,” she says. “Or some soup? You haven’t eaten since lunch, have you?”

“I thought I told you to go away, Ariana,” says Portia. 

It suddenly occurs to Ariana that there is no headache. 

Portia only ever calls her Ariana if she’s being sarcastic, or if she’s annoyed - both of which are extremely rare. Ariana can probably count the number of times it has happened on one hand. 

She stands up and takes a deep breath. “Fine. Call me when you’re feeling better, or whatever.”

She takes a few steps away from the bed, but hears Portia moving behind her. Her heart is beating so hard against her chest that she’s afraid it’s going to explode.

“No,” says Portia. Her voice is trembling, and Ariana turns around to see her standing up, clenching her fists. “No, you are going to listen to me for once, and you are going to acknowledge what I am going to say.”

Ariana walks back towards Portia and takes her hand. “Babe, what’s wrong?”

“I have decided that I will no longer be a part of this - this - everything you’re planning to do to Rick,” says Portia with a slight shudder. “You guys crossed a major line - what if Rick gets arrested and kicked out?”

“Portia, he’s a dick, he’d deserve that, and more.”

“But he _didn’t do it_ ,” says Portia, her eyes blazing. There is a pink flush at the high points of her cheeks and there is a muscle twitching in her otherwise soft jawline. The contrast is jarring, and Ariana lets go of her hands. 

“Does it matter?” she says. “And anyway, you don’t have to worry about it. Rick’s got more influence than we thought, he managed to make it go away.”

“That’s not the point, Ria,” snaps Portia. “Did you guys even bother to stop and think for a second about what could happen? What if Rick took Anne down with him? Did you ever consider that?”

“This whole thing is way bigger than Anne, Portia,” says Ariana, balling her fists for a second before flexing her fingers. “You need to look at the bigger picture.”

“This is not about looking at the bigger picture,” says Portia. “This is about doing what’s right, and this is just _wrong_.”

“Well the thing is, Portia,” says Ariana, rolling her eyes, “not everything is gonna be sunshine and rainbows all the time, you know? This is reality, okay? And sometimes, reality _sucks._ ”

“That doesn’t give you an excuse to go around making things worse!” 

“We’re trying to make things better!”

“By sinking to their level?” shouts Portia. Ariana is surprised at how pure her fury seems, there are no tears, no gasps, nothing that’s remotely Portia-like about the situation at all.

She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. Maybe if she opens her eyes again, Portia’ll be asleep, and none of this will have happened.

She opens her eyes. No such luck. Portia’s still glaring at her, looking like she’s ready to knife her in the gut.

“I’m sorry that things aren’t going as prettily as you might’ve wanted them to,” she says. “Life gets messy. That’s just how it’s always gonna be.”

“Certain things can be controlled,” says Portia coldly. “We were supposed to be the good guys. Now we’re no different from them.”

Ariana pinches the bridge of her nose and groans. “This isn’t a cartoon, Portia, there are no good and bad guys in real life, there’s just people who do bad, and people who do worse.”

Portia’s hair looks like it is in flames as she glares at Ariana, who’s frustration is bubbling over. Her own head begins to throb. 

“If you can’t handle that then - go play Princess with Alex, and let the rest of us act like adults.”*

Portia pales. “I am not a little kid.”*

“Then stop acting like one,” snaps Ariana. 

“Oh my god,” says Portia, as a chuckle escapes her throat. “Can you even hear yourself right now?”

“Can you hear _yourself_?” retorts Ariana.

“Just because you’re Miss-I-Never-Back-Down-From-A-Challenge, doesn’t give you the right to take things to this level!”

“And just because you’re scared of everything, doesn’t give you the right to stop the rest of us from trying to get something done.”

“For the record,” says Portia, “I am only trying to stop you from getting yourself into trouble.” 

There’s a tremble in her voice that Ariana is satisfied to hear, because it means that this is affecting Portia as much as this is affecting her, and that her girlfriend is actually still there under this fireball of fury that’s hurtling towards her. A part of her wants to run towards Portia and try to talk things out with her, but her feet remain rooted to the ground.

“Well thanks for the concern, but I’m fine,” snaps Ariana. “We’re all fine. I don’t get why you’re suddenly all worried about everything, you’ve been totally fine with all this the whole time we were doing this.”

“Fine?” asks Portia, and Ariana can see the tears gleaming in her eyes. “You think I was _fine_ this whole time?”

“You went along with everything, you even got Rochefort to spill the beans about everything, you got Rick out of his office, you were right out there on the front lines -”

“Because none of you gave me a choice!” shrieks Portia. Her words hit Ariana like a dull blow, and she finds herself trying to catch her breath.

“Portia you could’ve always said no.”

“Not when none of you were listening to me!” she says, furiously wiping away a tear. Ariana feels like she is being stabbed repeatedly. All she wants to do is take Portia in her arms and hold her, but the next thing she says makes her heart feel like it’s iced over.

“You never listen to me,” says Portia quietly. “Ever.”

Ariana gasps. A painful lump grows in her throat and she forces it down, eyes watering.

“I’m sorry,” she says, her voice coming out raspy and harsh. “I’m sorry that I decided to take life seriously for one second and stopped imagining that everything was a Disney movie.”

“Stop acting like I’m a child!” shrieks Portia, clenching her fists. Her cheeks are bright red now, and the tears are flowing freely, but she makes no move to wipe them away. 

“I’m not the one that’s acting like you’re a child!” shouts Ariana, taking two steps towards Portia and jabbing a finger close to her chest. “You’re the one that’s putting on this sunshine and rainbows act all the time -”

“An _act_?” whispers Portia. “After all this time, you _still_ think this whole thing is an act?”

Deep down inside, Ariana knows she should just calm down and stop talking right there, but her anger is on the warpath and it’s dragging her along with it.

“You’re the one who’s always like, oh, the world’s such a pretty little place filled with smiles and marshmallows, but I’ve got news for you, Portia, it’s not,” she says. Portia sniffles, but continues to glare at Ariana. “The world isn’t as cutesy as you think it is. Grow up and smell the fucking roses, kid.”

Portia shudders and steps away, and Ariana realises what she has said. Guilt engulfs her like a dark, suffocating wave, but she cannot bring herself to take back everything.

_Way to go, Ariana. You finally did it. You pushed away the one person who could put up with you. Great job!_

Portia looks like she is ten seconds away from breaking down.

“I’m sorry, Ria,” she says. “I’m sorry that any of this happened.”

Ariana takes a deep breath and sighs. “I’m sorry too,” she says. “Maybe we should just… go to sleep and talk it out in the morning…”

“No,” says Portia, shaking her head. “No, let’s not wait till morning.”

Ariana reaches for her hand, a tiny shred of hope fluttering in her chest, but Portia pulls away. 

“Ria,” she says, sniffing again as her voice trembles. “I love you - I really do, but this? What we have? It’s just not gonna work.”

Ariana trembles and tries to take Portia’s hand again.

“Babe - Portia…”

“No, don’t,” she says, pulling away again. Arianna feels like she has been slapped; the sting of Portia’s words is so acute that it leaves a burn almost like a brand.

“Portia…”

“I’m sorry, Ariana,” she says, looking at the floor for the first time since this ridiculous fight has begun. “But I just can’t do this anymore.” She walks towards the door, and Ariana can’t help but stare. In her green dress and matching cardigan, with her hair falling around her sweet face in ringlets, she’s still the amazing, happy, wonderful Portia that’s loved Ariana through all her ups and downs. The girl that stuck around to help her out of the emotional blackholes she kept falling into. The absolute light at the end of her darkest tunnels. 

But the Portia that looks at Ariana is no longer the girl who has given her whole heart to her, and then some. The Portia that’s looking at Ariana and waiting for her to leave is a girl who is fed up and frustrated. A girl who has been pushed far beyond her limits, all because Ariana was too bullheaded and _stupid_ to handle a relationship.

She should’ve known she wasn’t good enough for a girl like Portia. She’d known, from the moment they’d started dating, but she’d somehow duped herself into believing that she was deserving of her.

The very idea is so ridiculous, she could laugh. Her, Ariana Henries, good enough for Portia Vallon.

What a load of crap.

Ariana takes a deep breath and storms towards her backpack, picking it up, and the beanie as well. Without another word or a backwards glance, she strides out of the room.

The door slams shut behind her.


End file.
